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Written by Catherine VanWetter
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Sunday, 23 May 2010 00:00 |
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 It’s been said that the reason change is so difficult, is because it often isn’t our idea. It’s something that is forced upon us from the outside. From either the people around us, our job, a relationship or “life” that pushes us to move out of a comfortable situation, into a position where we are faced to go down a different and often unfamiliar path.
How often have we heard ourselves or others complaining about having to change? Yet as humans, we are not static. Change is occurring all of the time. Many times without us even being aware of it. It’s when change is thrust upon us, that we may withdraw or resist the reality that we are being forced to do something different.
It’s interesting because I have talked to many folks who were “forced” to change and the change they were resisting ended up being the best thing that ever happened to them. For instance, they were fired from a job that was killing them, ended a relationship that was unhealthy or were forced to begin taking personal responsibility in an area that they felt powerless to yet triumphed in the end. This awareness wasn’t always immediately realized. Often, the insightful learning’s happened after an individual had time to settle into their “new” life. Once the sting of being forced into a “change“ had subsided.
When I made the decision this last September, 2009, to sell my home and move, it was very difficult. I found myself wondering why I had to do this and ways that I could avoid it. Yet when I settled into the deep knowingness that I, for many years, had talked about and wanted to downsize and relocate, somehow my resistance and fear began to subside. I became at peace with what I knew was for my highest good. Ultimately, a decision that I had subconsciously made years before now was becoming a reality. The question was, how could I face this reality now that I was fully engaged in it?
My continued insights throughout this year long process has encouraged me to become very honest with myself. Once I took responsibility for my change and began making proactive and positive steps forward, than the transition became easier. That’s not to say that I don’t have periods of time that I feel sadness, grief or loss, just that I am aware of those times, honor them, reach out to others and know that even though I feel uncomfortable now, the change I made was for the best.
If you are currently faced with going through a challenging change that is difficult or something that you are resisting, I invite you to consider these following tips.
1. Know that as tough as the change may be, resisting it only makes it more difficult. Acknowledge the change, breathe into it and focus on being in the moment. When we are in the moment, it brings us back to the present, back to possibilities.
2. Notice when you have thoughts of what could happen, and begin to focus on what you have right now in this present moment. Do you have your breath? Do you have a roof over your head? Sometimes, it’s the small things that help us through these daunting changes.
I hope that what you have read has been helpful. Please let me know any thoughts or insights that you have. I would love to hear from you.
With a Grateful and Very Full Heart, Catherine
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Written by Catherine VanWetter
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Monday, 03 May 2010 00:00 |
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 During this time of tremendous shift and change, it can be difficult to come back to “center”. Back to balance and harmony. Part of doing this is becoming aware of when we are out of balance, and not grounded or centered.
We live in such a fast paced society, that it can be easy to lose ourselves in work, family, over commitments and busyness. So the question is, how do we begin to tune in to being out of balance in the first place? I would like to share with you my own awareness and journey of coming back to center, at least for fleeting moments, that seem to get longer the more I slow down enough to notice.
After my huge transition this last year of selling my home, relocating and settling into a new place, I became acutely aware of how burned out I was and emotionally exhausted. This showed up as fatigue, anxiety, discontentment and a lack of motivation. Prior to my awareness of my emotional condition, per recommendation of a colleague, I made arrangements to do a 10 day silent Vipassana retreat shortly after my house closed and I officially moved out.
The thought of 10 days of silence was magnificent. I was yearning for stillness and solitude; with no one expecting anything from me. In my mind’s eye these precious 10 days, would be a wonderful opportunity to come back home to myself and to rest deeply.
I mentioned this retreat to a dear friend of mine, who very quickly agreed to accompany me. As we both made preparations for our silent “vacation“, friends would make comments such as, “But, what if you want to leave the retreat?” And both of us would smile and smugly say, “Will, that’s about you and not me!” Others would say, “I can’t imagine being silent for 10 days. How will you ever do it?” Again, we would smile and say, “I can’t wait!”
The day we set out on our grand adventure, we were filled with excitement. For my friend, it was her first time away from her family for almost 20 years. She made certain that there was enough food, supplies and phone numbers to ensure that her family would be well taken care of. For me, I made arrangements that my two cats would be nurtured and loved, while I was away. So, after all of this conscious preparation, all was well for both of us to leave our homes.
 As we made our way to our restful retreat destination, we laughed, talked and shared our excitement. Curiously, as we were approaching our freeway exit to the retreat center, both of us became acutely aware of our physical reactions to the upcoming reality of going into silence for so many days. We both experienced sweaty palms, rapid heart rate and a “what are we doing?” response.
The closer to the retreat center we got, the more aware of our reactions we were. Yet, both of us eased into the deep knowingness that we were where we needed to be and that all was well.
As we were welcomed into the center, we were amazed at how many folks were attending. There were 34 women and 34 men ready to step into 10 days of silence and 10 hours a day of meditating. I was amazed, and wondered what motivated these folks to go deep within and spend 10 days of their life in silence. What were they looking for, and what were they hoping to gain? Such a personal question and yet, my curiosity was peaked.
During the late afternoon and early evening of our orientation, we ate together, were told the ground rules, chatted amongst ourselves and asked a few nervous questions. Then, at 7:30 pm we entered into noble silence and began our inner journey of self reflection, insight, resolution and deep awareness.
The next 10 days were amazing. I quickly learned how I so confidently talked about these 10 days when it was something in the future, and how that confidence shifted when I was actually experiencing the silence and long hours of meditating. What occurred to me, is how often we reflect into the future with plans, intentions and anticipation yet when we actually step into the reality of taking the action steps of achieving those things, it may be much different than what we had ever begun to imagine.
My body hurt, my mind began to chatter almost constantly, and when I could muster some humor in all of this, I realized that I am never really alone, not when I have my thoughts! Remembering that we have more than 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day, the constant flow of disjointed conversations were incredible. I also came to realize how cruel some of our thoughts are and the violence that we mentally, and quite unconsciously, put ourselves through.
The Vipassana meditation is structured around the pure teachings of Buddha. It’s based on the quantum physics of “mind and matter”. Our mental mind and the stories we make up, and matter relating to our physical body. Through this training, we begin noticing the different subtle sensations that we have throughout our body, and the realization, that we are addicted to the feelings or sensations that we have; that is the cravings and repulsions of certain sensations. As a result, we also experience the continual desire to recreate a particular sensation. In the movie, “What the Bleep do we Know?”, Candace Pert, a scientist, talked about the addiction we have to the emotion of love. She noted how quickly someone can fall out of love with a person if they don’t respond in a way that “feels” good. This, in combination with our thoughts, can create patterns of habituation or body memory which causes us to keep recreating a pattern of feeling or being that either causes us pain or gives us pleasure. One reason why it is so difficult to change a habit or pattern is because of the cellular memory we have around it, hence our sensations that we experience in our body. Deepak Chopra said that we only have two feelings; yum and yuck.
Being trained in so many disciplines that address the body memory, I was grateful to experience the fullness of what that meant on a very deep and visceral level. The body pain that I experienced was from repressed emotional /body trauma. Because I had never sat for 10 hours a day before, the pain that was repressed never surfaced. When I became aware of my resistance to the pain and the desire to push it away, I was able to relax into being in the moment and releasing the pain. I came to fully realize how impermanent everything is and that within a moment we can shift away resistance to acceptance. Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun, said that one of the most difficult things a person can do is to meditate because when one is still, body memory is released and we can be flooded with unresolved emotion, trauma and memories. Our mind acts like a cap to keep us distracted from what is going on inside our bodies. Meditating allows the space for tremendous healing to occur if we don’t push it away.
The reason that the Vipassana training is for 10 days is because it takes around 4 - 5 days before the mind gives it up and surrenders to what is. I noticed that when I surrendered to the pain and struggle, I was able to fully be present in the moment. As a result, my memory and experience of the 10 days felt soft without any exaggerated story or drama. Being in the precious moments allowed me to move through my pain and quiet my mind.
I wonder if this deep awareness of being with what is, could perhaps release the addiction to drama. What if we consciously consented to the truth that we were dealt? Not to become victims or passive, rather consent to what is and move forward in a proactive way thus allowing solutions to emerge.
I would invite anyone who was interested in releasing, clearing away and becoming aware of beliefs, attitudes and patterns that may no longer serve you to research the possibility of doing a Vipassana retreat. If you decide to do it, make sure that you spend time making the decision because it is a challenging experience and the results are amazing. For me, it was life changing and I know that my personal awareness’s will continue to surface as I move deeper into integrating all that happened in those 10 days. I feel blessed that I was able to experience this truly phenomenal training.
For more information you can google Vipassana meditation.
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Written by Catherine VanWetter
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Tuesday, 20 April 2010 00:00 |
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 Change is definitely in the air. It’s as if everyone’s Achilles “heel” is being stretched and is begging to be “healed”. With the loss of jobs, dreams, homes and family, how does one move forward in a proactive way embracing the challenges and welcoming the transition, as scary, frustrating, and humiliating as they may be?
Most recently, I re-located to a different town leaving a community I had lived in for 26 years, a home I had owned for 11 years and my 2 young adult sons. Though my move was something I emotionally wanted to do, and moved only 45 miles away, I have experienced grief, loss and a deep wondering of where my place is. Not only have I physically moved but I have also experienced a huge change in my financial situation. I went from having a monthly income of several thousand to living off of my credit cards. Now that I am, gratefully, debt free, I have a whole new perspective on what is important in my life.
As I was going through my “dark night of the soul”, releasing my own dreams and fully realizing the reality of what was occurring in my life, I came to understand that I could live with so much less than what I was used to living on. Through this deep understanding and acknowledgment, I became more resourceful, frugal, aware and grateful to how much I truly have. In ways, it feels as though I have grown a “backbone” that enables me to fully engage all of my insights, wisdom and resourcefulness that I have acquired over the years.
The biggest limiting belief that I overcame, was the deep inner fear that I was unable to support my self and thrive during such an enormous upheaval in my life. I grew up believing that I could not support myself, and even though I am trained in so many different areas, that self-limiting belief continued to influence my life and ultimately my choices. Curious, how such a distorted frame of reality can embody one’s perception of self. Yet, how many of us lack the inner confidence that we are enough? Failing to realize that if we set our minds to it, we could accomplish anything? Yet, for whatever reason, so many of us falter and fail to find our way?
During this time in history we are all being called to look deep within and heal those parts of ourselves that are preventing us from fully showing up in life. Now is the time to know, that we are the ones we have been waiting for. And so, how does one go about doing this? Here are a few guiding tips that I hope will be helpful:
1. Become aware with how much you tell your “story” or drama, and why you want to keep repeating it. Is there something that you feel isn’t being heard from those you are retelling it to?
2. Pay attention with whom you spend your time with. Our friends and acquaintances can either help us grow or keep us in our “story” and smallness.
3. Spend time alone reflecting on what is important in your life and make a list. Then, do those things.
4. Spend time in silence, noticing your repetitive thoughts and how they “make” you feel. Do you feel uplifted or funky? Remember; You are just a thought away from feeling happy or sad.
Even though it may seem like our circumstances warrant or control our lives and feelings of contentment or discontentment, we have a lot more control over our lives than what we think. Become proactive and start taking small steps to move forward in gratitude, appreciation and love. You truly are one thought away from making a change that will forever shift your life. If not now when? And, if not you who?
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Written by Catherine VanWetter
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Monday, 08 February 2010 00:00 |
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I recently read Lynne Twist’s book, “The Soul of Money”. It’s about reclaiming the wealth of our inner resources that is often lost when money comes into the picture. This book dispels the myths of money and the profound significance that we have placed upon it. During this time of economic transition and challenge, it is a perfect book to bring forth the realities, fears and illusions that money often signifies. It’s ironic that as a Nation and as a world, we are faced with coming to terms with how money deeply influences how we individually and as a world feel about ourselves.
I have counseled many individuals who have been deeply affected by the economic situation. Some have completely lost their retirement funds while others have lost their sense of personal value due to a loss of a long held job. It seems that none of us have gone unscathed during this period of financial transition.
I have delved deeply into the emotional, psychological and spiritual aspects of money and the relative meaning that we have placed on it. It is truly amazing how much value is placed on the “almighty dollar” not only in the possessions we can acquire but the emotional buy-in that often identifies an individual’s sense of personal worth and value. A shift in financial status, either acquiring more or losing it, dramatically influences one’s sense of well-being. The question of “who am I if I don’t have an excellent credit score or a large bank account?” can take it‘s toll on an individual‘s sense of significance.
The illusion that money can buy happiness is quickly melting into the harsh reality of what our country was built upon, an illusion that money can take our troubles away. Now that so many have lost this shaky sense of security, many don’t know how to pick themselves up and begin pulling their lives together. It’s as if we have built our sense of worth on something that is too fluid and unstable to hold onto. Like grains of sand in an hourglass. Faced with this reality, how does one pick themselves up and move forward?
Through all of my learning’s both personally and professionally, what I know to be true is first an individual needs to know at a very deep level, that they are going to be OK. That their basic needs will be addressed. This is where community comes in not only for physical support but also emotional support. Taking the time to offer whatever help or aid to a neighbor or friend can hugely benefit someone. Also taking time to really listen to what folks are going through. Not listening to add to the drama rather listening so that the other knows that they are not alone; that there are solutions.
I realize that this period in our history is one of great strife and suffering. I also sense that at a very deep level we are cleansing our Nation of systems that no longer work. As with any significant change within a culture there is the period of uncertainty and fear. Notice your thoughts, attitudes and “story” of how this period is affecting your life. Becoming aware is the first step in making a change. Spend time with folks who uplift you rather than add to your discontent. Together we will find the solutions and move forward in a productive and proactive way. It begins first by being the change that you want to see. Now is the time to walk your talk, one step at a time.
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Last weekend as I was walking in a downtown area of where I live, I heard a crow squawking on a phone wire above. I noticed on the street below that there was a dead crow. I sensed that the crow on the wire was mourning the loss of his / her friend. The crow continued to make noise and peck on the wire. It was as if it wanted to be heard and seen for the loss that it was experiencing. I looked around and saw folks passed by not really noticing the crow at all. How many times have we turned our heads at what is happening? Pretending not to notice or seemingly care?
