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During my years of being a wife and mother, I felt myself being pulled in so many directions that the end result was that I was too exhausted to take time to take care of myself. This resulted in being short tempered, not present, cranky and emotionally drained. Due to external circumstances, I was forced to look closely at how I lived my life, which ultimately boiled down to re-examining my self-care and thus being creative with my selfless selfishness. I realized that if I didn’t take the time to take care of myself first, that I was doing a disservice to others. When we don’t put ourselves first, it can drain us. It’s similar to the analogy of giving yourself oxygen first then giving it to your child. If we are so depleted, how can we care for others? What kind of example do we set for those who are looking to us for guidance, if we don’t do good self-care? Years ago, on the Oprah show, she had a guest on that asked this simple question: “Where do you, the primary caregiver, put yourself on the “ladder” of your family? Are you the last one on the rung or the first one?” Many polled put their children first, their partner second and themselves last. The guest invited those who felt this way to look closely at how this was working in their lives. Many said that they felt resentful that they didn’t have more time to themselves and always felt that someone else came first. It’s interesting to note that by being “selfish” in taking care of yourself, you are actually energizing yourself to be more present with others because there is more of you that is able to show up. Though this may be difficult to perhaps wrap your mind around, here are some tips that may help you transition into creative selfishness. ~ Begin to practice self-compassion by noticing those areas in your life where you are giving so much that you are actually giving less than what you thought. When we are drained it’s hard to give 100 percent. There are no reserves and we run on empty. To be compassionate, is to realize that we deserve to take the very best care of ourselves, and that by doing this, we are setting a wonderful example to others. ~ Notice how you feel when you let others know that you are going to take some time to refuel. If it is uncomfortable, notice that and breathe through it. With practice you will be able to say this easily and effortlessly and those around you will notice how much more relaxed and refreshed you are. Self-compassion is a subtle energy that comes from the heart and will help you stop pushing yourself. ~ Commit to, at least, one self-compassionate action a week. This helps nurture positive energy and begins to grow your emotional bank account.  A fun exercise to do is to think of all the things that you used to do before you got so busy. Make a cup of tea, sit down, let your imagination run away with you and make your list. Include things that are free and fun. For instance taking a walk along the river, watching a sunset, going to the movies with your children, partner or just yourself! Imagine that! Make it playful and rich. After you have listed 10 or so things, cut them up and put them into a special box. Then once a week pick out 2 or 3 things and do them! Notice how your creative juices begin to flow and that your “selfish” action becomes a sacred selfless act.Who knows, after a while, you may even feel so inspired to do this everyday! Notice with a gentle heart, how your “selfishness” is perhaps the greatest gift that you can give to yourself and others. Let me know how this work for you! Add this page to your favorite Social Bookmarking websites       Add your comment |