A Time of Grief ~ A Time of Peace
Catherine VanWetter, Inner Resolution Facilitator
From that time on, my life was a blank. It was as if my world had collapsed into anxiety attacks, fear, isolation, and pain. I was always the ”outsider” - the one that was so sensitive and cried whenever someone brought up the subject of loss. I was caught in a world of my own. Cleverly, I dealt with my acute anxiety and depression with eating. I soon became bulimic, waiting anxiously to fill my belly with food only to violently throw it up. I hated myself afterwards and within hours would repeat the compulsion. It was as if this was my only saving grace, a way to ease my pain from a world that didn’t understand who I was, and seemingly wasn’t even interested to find out. My Dad knew that I had an eating problem and his reaction was, “You’re wasting food!” So I became cleverer and hid it. Though I know others knew my plight, no one spoke up on my behalf.
I left home when I was seventeen. I was just a mere child, desperately wanting to “find my place,” yet wanting to return home to my family where I would be nurtured and loved. I sought therapy and quickly learned how easy it was to tell a therapist exactly what she wanted to hear in order to protect my “dark” secrets that were neatly wrapped in shame and guilt and tucked deeply within me. It is amazing how clever we can be, to protect the very secrets that can destroy us.
Because my grief and anxiety were not resolved, I continued to perpetuate the cycle of disconnection and loss of relationships. It’s interesting how someone may want to connect with others and say all of the right words, yet the wisdom of the body, which is often referred to as our unconscious, will continue a pattern of operation in order to ensure the survival of the individual. Yet, once that unconscious part of our self becomes conscious, then we can make a change that will ultimately shift our patterns of being.
From Overcomers, Inc.; True Stories of Hope, Courage and Inspiration. To get your own copy and receive dozens of bonus gifts go to http://www.overcomersbook.com/booklaunch
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